Lord, not you,
it is I am who am absent.
belief was a joy I kept in secret,
into sacred places:
a quick glance, and away – and back,
I have long since uttered your name
I elude your presence.
to think about you, and my mind
like a minnow darts away,
darts into the shadows, into gleams that fret
the river’s purling and passing.
Not for one second
will my self hold still, but wanders
everywhere it can turn. Not you,
it is I who am absent.
You are the stream, the fish, the light,
the pulsing shadow,
you the unchanging presence, in whom all
moves and changes.
How can I focus my flickering, perceive
at the fountain’s heart
the sapphire I know is there?